Bringing James Home: What’s the Game Plan?

Hi friends! We will be flying back home with James into LAX on the 27th at 6:05 p.m. (assuming all goes as planned in country). Some folks are planning on being there to meet us, and though we can’t guarantee we will be at our best (20 hours in the air, yo), we would love to see you there before we go into semi-hiding if that’s the sort of thing you’d like to do. ¬†ūüôā

In the last post, I mentioned that a few of you have asked if we would give you a heads up about¬† things to expect during the first few months and mention some areas¬†where we will appreciate¬†your understanding. Thank you for asking. Jason and I would just like to help temper some expectations and make sure we are clear about all of this being for James’ benefit and for the sake of helping¬†make his transition into our culture (and America, and a family, and a new language, and new food, and new friends, and new routines, and you get the idea) as painless as possible. Praying for guidance on how best to do this.

Soooo, these are really helpful articles:

This article is just practical. I have tried to keep these things in mind when I’ve met other folks’ recently adopted children. I’ve definitely screwed up and said things that weren’t tactful, but the parents¬†were gracious and we intend to be gracious, too. Okay, so don’t freak out. The more I look at this list, the more I really appreciate it.

This list goes into more of the why these things are important. I posted it in the past:

This article is also full of things to be aware of. The author is not super delicate, and again, I don’t want you to think we are going to be crazy, but we are going to exclusively be the ones feeding him, holding¬†him, disciplining him, comforting him, etc. and we aren’t going to be making concessions on that until we are sure he understands who is who in the zoo.

This one is written TO¬†adoptive parents, but if you’re interested in getting a taste for what we are in for, this might be interesting to you:

Are you overwhelmed? Please don’t be. We love you and we know you love us, so we will all make it through in one piece! We are looking forward to the day when we will hit a sort of “normal” that means we won’t have to think twice about staying over with friends and family or whether a crowd¬†is “too much.”

 

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Super Helpful Post from “The Kitchen is Not My Office”

Well, it’s official, so, now for the real work to begin!

The following link is to a post from The Kitchen is Not My Office, and seems like it is exactly the sort of stuff we are all going to have to deal with. At the risk of sounding like a killjoy right away, I’m sharing this because maybe you will want to read this and have time to consider how bringing home our James will be a bit different from welcoming a baby through traditional means ūüėČ

http://www.thekitchenisnotmyoffice.com/2012/12/supporting-and-understanding-adoptive.html

A few of the points she touches on:

Our children are not necessarily grateful to have been adopted. 

Please don’t feed my kids.¬†

It is greatly appreciated if you choose your wording carefully, especially around our children. 

If you’d like to offer support (meal, help with house cleaning, etc) when an adopted child joins the family,¬† please do even if we don’t reach out and ask.

Please don’t try to get our child to like you the most.

Our adopted children had lives before they joined our family. 

Sometimes adopted children need to be parented differently than biological children. 

Please do not ask adopted children if they like their new parents/family.

Our children may be “delayed” when they join our family but often they just need time.¬†

Please do not tell us how amazing we (parents) are because we have chosen to adopt. 

We may discourage physical contact with our child for the first several months that they are home or until we feel like they are securely attached to us.

Even the happiest of adoptions are a result of challenging or difficult circumstances.